Sunday, October 26, 2014

Don't stop me now!

I don't know why is it every time I had an Epiphany I will always start with cleaning my room. In fact I had one just now and TADAH! one clean room for Jacynta and a cigarette that may be my last time for 12 days. I plan to stop smoking for 12 days only because on the 5th of November 2014 I will conquer mount Kinabalu (for the 2nd time). I also vow to be more health conscious since I cannot afford yet a health insurance and also for the obvious vanity reasons. I am joining the #fitness bandwagon and I am scared because I might turn to be one of those snobby fitness bitches I hate so much LOL. Please do slap me if I post my sweaty selfie on instagram.

My on and off fitness relationship started out a few years back and at one point I was serious about it and actually lose weight. But i like to be discreet about it and only a few close friends and family saw how obsess I was at that time. Maybe it's time to be that obsess again, my inspiration was mankofit hopefully this time it will last a life time. I like myself better at that time, I was more focused and I feel much more energetic than before, I almost feel like my teenage self thus I must be more consistent. But first I need to finish my drawings because tomorrow is the fucking deadline.

I also need to drink more water, 4 litre to be exact. I need to wake up early and be more discipline in my workout and beauty regime. What I want in my life right now is, happiness...  

Saturday, October 18, 2014

putus-putus punya post

I've been complaining about how lazy I am to my PO5 but here I am now, wide awake and writing this blogpost... I have quite a lot of unfinish blog post that is so backdated that makes the dinosaur extinction looks like current news.

So here is a short blog post because I feel like typing when I should be sleeping because my neck hurts, my legs hurt and I believe I might have early stage of Parkinson because my hand is shaking as I type this. By the way I need to remind myself that I have to slow down on cigarettes and need to get myself ready to climb the tallest mountain in South East Asia this early November. Yes... FML.

**continuation**

Was interrupted by Ed while writing that. I'm the sort of person that prefer all my private thoughts written while I am alone and free from any kind of surroundings. Although ironically I am writing this now at my office when I am suppose to be doing work. But this is my laziest week ever, I haven't even really finish any work and my room is a mess. Okay... feeling guilty, will stop this and continue after my jog this evening.

**continuation 2**

Finally... finally I have some time to be alone. I miss this so much. I've been going out almost everyday and it's exhausting mentally and physically for me. I am an introvert but I have to admit it I sometimes don't look like one. I like to party and have fun but I LOVE BEING ALONE. It's like I have 2 personality, people normally saw me as maybe a bit aloof but friendly and there's this side of me that are happy that I am alone in my room doing what I want. I don't even care if my bf won't come back home tonight (he seems to be mad at me or maybe I just over analyzed when he's just really busy). Anyway I get to be alone with my thoughts without any interruption from anyone. I finally get to reorganize my thoughts and maybe finish all unfinished business like my long forgotten blogpost, cleaning my room and maybe do some work.

Being alone help me to do a self reflect. I have been quite negative these days... Envious of people and questioning why I don't have what they have, why I am so... I feel like I am a bad person, I feel like nobody really likes me or wants me at all. But I shouldn't be that way I should be grateful... I used to list down all the things I am grateful...

1. I am grateful to be alive and quite healthy even though my smoking seem to be worsen these days but overall I think I am quite healthy.

2. My family loves me and I am pretty sure Edmond love me too in his odd ways.

3. I have friends who can be comfortable around me even though I can be weird and awkward.

4. I have a job and enough money to survive but I have to be better in financial management.

5. I am grateful I have a home to go to.

6. I am grateful I have my pets.

So now I can try to improve myself, to make myself happy first so I can make people around me happy too.

Okay the end. :)    

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