Sunday, September 29, 2013

Hanyut

I've been planning to update this blog but then since roomie is now unemployed and is at home 24/7, I get little privacy of my own. I mean I like being with him and people in general but mostly I really like my alone time. Without anyone to talk to and just me alone in this small room.

Work is work I guess. I get more anxious everyday with my work, I'm worried that it is not good enough, I'm too slow finishing the job, I'm too slow to picked up and understand what my employer meant, I'm worried if I make silly mistakes and I'm worried that I cannot stick it out and when my 3 months probation is up I have to start looking for a new job again. I love my job but all this worrying drives me crazy.

It's just a lot of things to worry about, our financial situation is not really good right now. I wish I can talk to someone about this. I tried.. but I don't think that person understand. But what is the point of worrying... When negativity manifest inside your mind it will eat up all the positive vibes. So I must keep my head up and I believe all this is only temporary. Roomie is a great person and I believe he will get a job soon and then our life will be back to normal or maybe even better.

Everyday is the same thing... I woke up at 6.30 get ready. Out from the house by 7.15 and arrive 7.50, waited 10 minutes outside then walk up to the office. Wait for 12pm, go out to lunch with my aunt and then back at 1pm. 5 pm out of the office, jam jam jam...arrive home at 6.15pm. Tired as hell, talk to roomie about my day and then instant noodles for dinner. Asleep by 10pm. The same routine for 5 - 6 days a week.

I'm okay with the routine it's just that I hope I can get used to it and then I can work on with my side projects. I've been talking it for months and I haven't gotten to it yet. I want to finish this novel I'm reading. I want to go on a vacation with roomie. I want to move out. I want to learn yoga and pilates. I want to be able to make my parents happy. I want... I want... I want...

A lot of "want" in my life.

But what I need no matter how cheesy it sounds is LOVE.

I believe I do have that. I am in love with this guy that I have been dating for 6 years now. I am happy that when I come home tired from work, he is here with me. Even though he can be a pain in the ass from time to time but we are together. So together we will build the life we both want. Aiseh... I sound like a romantic here but IRL we are quite an odd couple.

I am happy because I know I got the love from my parents, nonok and my families. I know that ma will always supports me. Talking to her always comforted me, listening to my dad silly jokes and sometimes very useful advice is joy. Watching cartoons and playing football with my little brother makes me happy.

So as long as I am with the people that I love and care... I think I'm going to be okay. I got the balls to get the job now I must have the courage to stick it out. :)


Love guide me now and give me courage.

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