Sunday, September 29, 2013

Hanyut

I've been planning to update this blog but then since roomie is now unemployed and is at home 24/7, I get little privacy of my own. I mean I like being with him and people in general but mostly I really like my alone time. Without anyone to talk to and just me alone in this small room.

Work is work I guess. I get more anxious everyday with my work, I'm worried that it is not good enough, I'm too slow finishing the job, I'm too slow to picked up and understand what my employer meant, I'm worried if I make silly mistakes and I'm worried that I cannot stick it out and when my 3 months probation is up I have to start looking for a new job again. I love my job but all this worrying drives me crazy.

It's just a lot of things to worry about, our financial situation is not really good right now. I wish I can talk to someone about this. I tried.. but I don't think that person understand. But what is the point of worrying... When negativity manifest inside your mind it will eat up all the positive vibes. So I must keep my head up and I believe all this is only temporary. Roomie is a great person and I believe he will get a job soon and then our life will be back to normal or maybe even better.

Everyday is the same thing... I woke up at 6.30 get ready. Out from the house by 7.15 and arrive 7.50, waited 10 minutes outside then walk up to the office. Wait for 12pm, go out to lunch with my aunt and then back at 1pm. 5 pm out of the office, jam jam jam...arrive home at 6.15pm. Tired as hell, talk to roomie about my day and then instant noodles for dinner. Asleep by 10pm. The same routine for 5 - 6 days a week.

I'm okay with the routine it's just that I hope I can get used to it and then I can work on with my side projects. I've been talking it for months and I haven't gotten to it yet. I want to finish this novel I'm reading. I want to go on a vacation with roomie. I want to move out. I want to learn yoga and pilates. I want to be able to make my parents happy. I want... I want... I want...

A lot of "want" in my life.

But what I need no matter how cheesy it sounds is LOVE.

I believe I do have that. I am in love with this guy that I have been dating for 6 years now. I am happy that when I come home tired from work, he is here with me. Even though he can be a pain in the ass from time to time but we are together. So together we will build the life we both want. Aiseh... I sound like a romantic here but IRL we are quite an odd couple.

I am happy because I know I got the love from my parents, nonok and my families. I know that ma will always supports me. Talking to her always comforted me, listening to my dad silly jokes and sometimes very useful advice is joy. Watching cartoons and playing football with my little brother makes me happy.

So as long as I am with the people that I love and care... I think I'm going to be okay. I got the balls to get the job now I must have the courage to stick it out. :)


Love guide me now and give me courage.

Friday, September 13, 2013

If you dare come a little closer.

So round and around I go... 

I always do this. I promise myself I will blog more but then I forgot that promise because I thought I was too busy for my blog. But anyway, I am here again... if anyone cares that is. I don't why it feels good to announce a comeback to expect people still care about you, still curious about you... when all this time people stumble into my blog mostly from google search of my Porn in 3D post (Yep, you perv I am definitely talking about you). 

Right now I am feeling grateful, I finally started working! YAY! I've been whining how pitiful I was all this time and I finally can say I got a job. Thanks to my lucky star I didn't have to plant grape that long...Geddit? Grape = Anggur, Plant = Tanam?... *Cue awkward laugh* Okay moving on... I am going into my 3rd week of being an *ahem* engineer and I get what I wanted that is to start in a consultant firm so I can really understand the core of engineering. Aiseh... 

Anyway, talking about engineers... Have you guys ever notice that engineers are a bunch of arrogant assholes? Engineering student always feel that since our course is a killer and only the "bright" student will get into engineering course that we have the right to shove it to the less unfortunate people who didn't get into engineering that we are better than them. The truth is engineers are a bunch of insecure snobs. I am quite embarrass this particular criteria which is very obvious especially when you see those facebook page "Trust me I'm an Engineer" or any 9gag posting about how awesome engineering course is. Engineering school is actually a nerd fest even the ones that don't look like a nerd is a nerd once you get him/her in a conversation. 

We are taught and brainwashed to feel superior above others. Every welcoming speech of any engineering school the Dean will praise the fresh first year students that they are the chosen ones. They are lucky to get in because only the smart people can get into engineering course. Even if your CGPA sucks you still much better than others because your course is only for smart people and you're just lazy. That is how engineering school created arrogant assholes. 

I try not to become one but the force is strong on that one. Sometimes I find myself snickers whenever I hear a other courses complaining how hard their subject is and to the people who thinks that they like math but are not in engineering (NOOOOO). I hate it when I feel that way, I am no way better than others and whatever happened in school was me trying to survive. 

Being happy that is my only goal in life not to feel superior and belittle people. We are created equal so arrogant assholes please drop the holier than thou act. Gah... venting about this stresses me out. I am just so glad and happy that I manage to finish it. 

Trying to think anything I want to add in this post. Hmm... 

Angry post (check)
Swearing (check)
Happy (check)

So... the end?
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Nope... not yet. 

This post is just full of negativity that I need to write a more positive side to balance it out. 

     

  And that is what I did. I don't want to blog about what I've done to make me feel that way. Only that I am glad I got family, loving life partner and friends that will back me up. They were the ones supported me throughout these years. 

Especially my mother, she is the only one that never stop believing in me who loves me unconditionally. She is the only person who won't leave me when I'm at the bottom. Thank you Ma for everything. 

I guess... Abrupt ending. Will blog more soon and must improve writing skills as well this language I'm writing in... oh and also designing skills.

Cheers and Bye!

     
Happy faces with my nieces and little brother.

Goodnight and happy working to me on Saturday (T_T)

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