Tuesday, August 27, 2013

When friends become strangers

Can't sleep... Have a lot of things on my mind and redoing format is not one of them. Instead I have been wondering about an old friend of mine. I have the sudden urge to find her via the internet and I have found her old blog that haven't been updated since 2011 and from there I found out that she's married and her fb is deactivated. I don't know why she pops into my mind tonight maybe because we used to be close and I don't have a lot of friends that I am really comfortable with. I remember that we don't have to keep in touch all the time and our friendship was still going strong unfortunately that has taken a toll on our friendship. Now, I believe if we passed by each other we don't even know each other. Sad isn't it... A friendship lost...

and of course new friendships will be born. New people to meet, new faces to be familiar with, new gossips and that old friend will remain forever in the past unless something happen that will rekindle the relationship. I find myself wishing I can talk to this old friend of mine, to tell her how I misses her all this years, to tell her the truth, to explain to her whatever she wanted to know but... She may not want me in her life anymore, I may be a reminder of how she used to be, a past where she prefer not to remember and without me in her life is much better. 

Still, I find myself wishing that I bump into her in the future. I imagine her to be happily married with 2 or 3 kids and her loving husband by her side, in some airport going on a vacation. I will be watching them from a far not sure whether the women I am staring is really her. Maybe I'm in a line with them, the fourth people behind her family and then I hear that she says her name. When she pass I give a smile to her, she probably will smile back the way a stranger smiles back when you smile at them. I don't think I will approach her but I will be happy to know that she's fine and doing well. 

Well... that's all I can say right now... I know this post is a little bit confusing. Even I'm confused with my emotions right now. I want to see her but I don't want her to know and I guess it make me look like I'm a stalker except that I don't want her to feel afraid of me and she won't need a restrictions order from me. I guess... maybe now I pay more attention to the people who wrote the articles maybe someday I will her name. 

A lot of probability and it's not easy to statistically narrow it down to 0.05 alpha. Not enough data and I am not that motivated to gain any data or information. In this case the probability of null hypothesis to be accepted is high where evidence can be see much more clearly compare to alternative hypothesis.

WTF? I clearly need sleep and shower so bye...       

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