Tuesday, August 27, 2013

When friends become strangers

Can't sleep... Have a lot of things on my mind and redoing format is not one of them. Instead I have been wondering about an old friend of mine. I have the sudden urge to find her via the internet and I have found her old blog that haven't been updated since 2011 and from there I found out that she's married and her fb is deactivated. I don't know why she pops into my mind tonight maybe because we used to be close and I don't have a lot of friends that I am really comfortable with. I remember that we don't have to keep in touch all the time and our friendship was still going strong unfortunately that has taken a toll on our friendship. Now, I believe if we passed by each other we don't even know each other. Sad isn't it... A friendship lost...

and of course new friendships will be born. New people to meet, new faces to be familiar with, new gossips and that old friend will remain forever in the past unless something happen that will rekindle the relationship. I find myself wishing I can talk to this old friend of mine, to tell her how I misses her all this years, to tell her the truth, to explain to her whatever she wanted to know but... She may not want me in her life anymore, I may be a reminder of how she used to be, a past where she prefer not to remember and without me in her life is much better. 

Still, I find myself wishing that I bump into her in the future. I imagine her to be happily married with 2 or 3 kids and her loving husband by her side, in some airport going on a vacation. I will be watching them from a far not sure whether the women I am staring is really her. Maybe I'm in a line with them, the fourth people behind her family and then I hear that she says her name. When she pass I give a smile to her, she probably will smile back the way a stranger smiles back when you smile at them. I don't think I will approach her but I will be happy to know that she's fine and doing well. 

Well... that's all I can say right now... I know this post is a little bit confusing. Even I'm confused with my emotions right now. I want to see her but I don't want her to know and I guess it make me look like I'm a stalker except that I don't want her to feel afraid of me and she won't need a restrictions order from me. I guess... maybe now I pay more attention to the people who wrote the articles maybe someday I will her name. 

A lot of probability and it's not easy to statistically narrow it down to 0.05 alpha. Not enough data and I am not that motivated to gain any data or information. In this case the probability of null hypothesis to be accepted is high where evidence can be see much more clearly compare to alternative hypothesis.

WTF? I clearly need sleep and shower so bye...       

Thursday, August 22, 2013

I dream of a dream

Haha... Since I am back in my blogging mode again. I feel an urge to blog more of my thoughts nowadays. It is just not healthy to keep it inside my mind and go crazy by over thinking it. So... I finally done with my VIVA which is disappointing for me but I got over confident since I thought that it is my last ever semester so I was a little bit over confident. I didn't revised my presentation at all and I thought my formatting was okay so didn't really bother to check it. I hope though that it will not affect my marks. Ugh... what the hell... I'm going to graduate anyway and then next month I will be in a new environment. So yay! 

I've been daydreaming too much nowadays. I dream that Edmond and I moves away from this shoe box room and we're living in an apartment. We have a dog that lives with us, not really sure what the breed is but I am hoping for it to be a shiba inu. I want a labrador but labrador is not suitable for apartments and I bet that Edmond and I will be working most of the time during weekdays so labs tend to go crazy if left alone. 

This is dog type of dog that I want for my apartment hehehe. His name is Maru and I've been stalking him on instagram a lot and whenever I feel bored, sad or just fulfilling my duties as an instagram addict I will stalk him. He is just the cutest dog ever, so fluffy and well mannered. I want a dog exactly like this... but whatever type of breed I will get albeit that if it's a mongrel I will still showered my pup with love. 

I also imagine myself going on a vacation somewhere... who am I kidding that vacation is to Tokyo, of course! with I want to say Edmond but I prefer it to be with a group of closed people that I love hanging out with. Edmond has this kind of introvert attitude where he prefers to be just the two of us together. But that would be boring and we definitely will get into a fight and argue most of the time where we want to go so travelling in a group would be better. After Japan maybe to his dream trip Manchester. It's been a long time since the two of us went to any trip at all, with him busy with work and me busy with school. 

So that is just some of the near future thing that I imagine will be. Hopefully that my dream will come true. 5 years of doing the same routine is sickening and it's time for a change to our life. But I am happy right now, I am gradually become happier everyday now that I know that I should be grateful and I also learn to control my negative emotions so that it will not forever haunt my life. I think all this is from the love and support I get. 

And there's this little project that I am working with my sisters. Hope that we won't get discourage and the progress is very very slow but I hope we won't give up. If we have made a significant progress to the project I will definitely post it up. 

For now, I'll just keep doing what I love... That is taking photos, getting slimmer, reading books, blogging, drawing and of course being with my love ones. 

Cheers and Goodbye to the old life and Hello and Welcome to a new beginning. 

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Positive bah...

I am feeling good right now even though pms is creeping and I have already started verbally abusing my boyfriend. Thank god, I have a patience understanding boyfriend. Anyway... interview today went pretty good methinks. I am still in awe and very excited and nervous. Will share this good news soon. 

On another news... finally get the pictures from our groupon deal photoshoot! Come, come have a look. 

As the Tukang jual obat sezs..."Yang jauh mari dekat, Yang dekat mari Rapat" (orang Sabah tau ni dialog kalau biasa pigi tamu, kalau tidak pernah pigi, oho bukan pure Sabahan kau ni tau). 

The theme of our photoshoot was "Show your true color". 

Dress from Mywardrobe = RM25. 
Leopard print earring = RM10
Tattoo stockings = RM20
Watch by Elle design

My look supposed to be harajuku fashion mobster with my machine gun tattoo stocking, but damnit the photog fail to get that part in my pic FML. But overall I look pretty with my signature no smile pose. My other smiling pictures look so fake.   

This is the 1st time I wore the dress. I always thought I'm not skinny enough to wear it, I was wrong. I can now wear body hugging dress without feeling insecure. Hurrah!

See... senyuman tidak ikhlas ku. Euww... I look as if I'm forcing my smiles to come out. Well, the photog did commented that I should smile. Ugh... will not listen to any photog anymore, why can't they let me be with my no smile pose.

4 very satisfied customer we are. We're thinking of doing this again soon! Maybe before Christmas. 

Bah, I'm gonna end this blog post now. See you soon.  

Monday, August 19, 2013


Just had my first job interview ever! Well... as a fresh grad tho.  I just needed to vent my frustration and maybe after this post I will feel much better. The interview was quick and totally not what I expected, I feel that my current qualifications is so... mediocre and not confident enough to do anything at all. I regretted that I didn't study serious enough and am always distracted. 

I cannot let myself fall into this negativity whirlpool! I must stay positive and work much harder to be charming and not present myself as someone who is clueless. I have this habit of making a bad first impression. My teenage awkwardness is not 100% off from the system. Damn... I did try my best to sound as if I knew... but I haven't done any homework so I couldn't say anything impressive. I keep repeating that I understand the work on site blablabla... and it lasted only 15 minutes... 

I hope I can give this impression that I'm tough enough to handle stress on site and will be able to work! OK... done rambling need to study for test and for another interview tomorrow. See you soon blog.           

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

August come faster please...

Right now, I wish I have a remote control on life like the one Adam Sandler got in his movie"click". Albeit the point of the movie was to enjoy life as it is but I can't simply do that yet. Finally after years of being stuck in HK01, I will finally graduate this October which is not something I look forward tho because I'm not too keen in participating convocation. I just don't really see the point of wearing that hat and robe and the whole process seem like a bore to me. I did that once and the only reason that I'm going to the whole thing again is my dad.

So... technically I haven't really finished my study yet. I still got this final year project until the end of this month. I am panicking right now since I haven't finished my thesis and a virus called trojan decided to eat my jpg files which contains all my progress pictures. Until now I haven't retrieve the files because... (Just had an epiphany I remembered that I had a similar case once HALLELUJAH!). Tried...

and FAIL (btw the 2 paragraph above were written last month and it is finally August!)

So... I'm not really in a mood for retelling the story, in the end I have to print screen the picture, I submitted my thesis... YAY! and now am jobless. Any potential employer reading this please refer to my CV here

Anyway... since I currently have no important things to do might as well do something before I die of boredom. So here's what I have been doing...

It's a fitness studio. I've been spending my time here most of the time these days. Doing Zumba Monday until Friday while pigging out with the boyfriend. What's up with him?... He got a new job at this new hip restaurant in KK. so YAY!... 

Here's some photos from my instagram feed. If you're not following me then follow me naw! Lol... I always follow back if you're not a creep. 

We ate fish and chips and lamb chop last Sunday and that day was perfect. Woke up when I wanted to, good food, good company, Manchester United won, Watch a good movie and had a good night sleep. 

Other than living my life as a housegirlfriend, I went on a photoshoot with my aunt, cousin and sister. 

I am grateful that I am surrounded my people that I love even though some of them drives me crazy. I just want to be reminded every day how happy they make me and let all this positive energy flows so the negativity will go away. 

So... here's to a good month and year... It's not too late for a new beginning.