Thursday, December 19, 2013

Graduated officially!

So 24th November marks the day that I officially graduated from engineering school. I am so glad and relief that after all that... after all the assignments, test, midterms, final exams and final year paper, I can look back at it now and say I FUCKING SURVIVED ENGINEERING SCHOOL.

I may not be the brightest and my grades are mostly average, I managed to overcome my sense of hopelessness which if any of you reading this is my main concern in the early days of my blog posts. Now I finally am an engineer and not just an engineer but a design engineer which something that I wanted as a career launch. I am happy and thankful that I graduated.

This blog post is dedicated mostly to the people around me who supported me all through graduation.

To my parents with their never ending support, I did one time really wanted to quit because I felt that I don't have what it takes and they were the one who encouraged me.

To my relatives and siblings especially Uncle Petrus and Uncle Richard who got me into the program. Thank you Nancy, Wewen, Daisy, Nonoi, Wiwin, Wawan, Ipik and of course Nonok.

To my besties Siti, Farah, GG, Sasa, Bb, Pika, Pyang, Ejah and all the course mates I befriended during all those wretched school years. Thank you being my friend I know I am not the best friend a person would have and I quote one of my besties, "anti social and awkward" (sometimes)... Yep that's me, believe or not. Thanks for keeping up with little old me, thanks for all the patience, thanks for all the support. I really cannot ask a better group of friends than I have now and I sincerely can say that you guys really are my best friends. Love you all IP GIRLS! I hope we will always keep in touch no matter how old we are, and wherever we are.

Lastly to my love. Yes, the only person who knew me best other than my Mama. I cannot express my gratitude in words (also because of my limited vocabulary), I love you, I know you won't be reading this but thank you boo without you (insert all cheesy lovey dovey stuff). Things will get better now, I promise you.

        Here are the convocation presents I got. Friends also gave us a bouquet flowers and Ma also gave me one, I specifically told her not to get me one but she went on and bought me fake flowers bouquet without any stupid stuffed animals tho. She already gave me a gold bracelet that morning, that was more than enough and my mother is the best. :)    

I was genuinely surprised receiving so much gifts, I really didn't expected to get any and not only that I get a party. I was already happy that my parents wanted to attend my graduation although I was a bit disappointed that I didn't get to pay for that myself. Although I didn't get to take any pictures with my dad at the convocation hall, I am glad that he attended although after he saw me on stage receiving my degree, he gladly rush to the exit. LOL

Before my convocation and before the chaos. 

I arrive at my university quite early actually but I forgot to collect some kind of pass which need to be given to a person that will scan it into some machine that will read my name and name will appear on the big screen. I got scolded because I was the only one that didn't collected that fucking pass, got scolded again because my appearance is not up to par... In short I was a mess on my convocation. But I already got up on the stage, received my degree and have nothing to worry about anymore! YAY!!!

I also got a convocation party at my house which is kind of lame I guess, since some people came to the party expected that it will be lots of people. But no... the party is PERFECT for me, just family. They also gave me a cake for it! I got my degree, a party, a cake and presents!

Also a few convocation pictures which can be view from my instagram. Follow me @cyntacinta at instagram!

Of course to my one and only Mother. She is my biggest supporter, my love and I don't think I can live without her... not yet. Thank you so much Ma for EVERYTHING!


Well that was a month ago. The post was written around that time but I got so caught up with work that I didn't get a chance to finish it. Anyway as December is my birthday month and also Christmas of course! I think I had a rather adult-ish birthday means I got no presents on my birthday this year not even from stupid boyfriend because I just bought myself A MUTHAFUCKIN CAR!!!!

Okay... it was nothing special, just a... 


Yes, I know it one of the cheapest car in the market right now and I got the *hides face with hand* SV (super value) but the fact that I am able to buy it after 2 month of employment! (There's actually a fresh graduate scheme for that)... and using my own hard earned money! *saying this with flaring nose and fist gripping showing my enthusiasm* Is something to be proud of and it came out just around my birthday! 

The only problem I have now is how to survive this month being broke as fuck. 

But anyway, next week is PAYDAY! So all this can now stop... wait. But if I keep this up I can save a lot of money. hmmm... Maybe then I can really write "Survival of The Miuns". Miuns = Broke, don't know if it's an actual dusun word but my uncle always says that, "Miun, Miunsikang, Kunsikang". Whatever it's a book on how to survive being a broke ass. But I'll talk about this subject on another post. 

Till then...


Sunday, November 10, 2013


Hello... I am using a new phone app for blogging since I rarely use my laptop nowadays for internet. Mostly I spend my internet surfing time using phone or my office desktop during free time at work. So if this is a good app then I will be happy to use it in a long run.

I did found a few blogging app however the official blog app for blogspot is quite a hassle to use since it kept on crashing and take a very long time to upload a pic. So here we go, i'm going to upload a few pictures.

New pup, ma named it Lidas that means health in dusun.

Gunter, I named this one. Because my brother and I are quite obsessed with adventure time.

There are 6 pups tho. We're planning to keep only 2 of them. 2 will be given to my uncle and another 2 probably to my other brother.

So yeah... This is it... Abrupt end and goodbye.

Saturday, November 9, 2013

This one is for the...

Reminds me of piso.... How I miss her :(



Tuesday, October 22, 2013

The Devil wears Rolex

I've been quite obsess with The Devil wears Prada lately maybe because I can relate to how Andy felt in that movie. Fresh out of university, first job and working for the devil. However my devil is not as stylish as Miranda Priestly or as evil as her. I don't have to get coffee or do anything that involves the almost impossible task to do. 

But the funny thing is I find myself wishing I can trade places with Andy.  

My job can be consider boring most of the time, unless I have a new task to do. I really like doing design, I like that I can do something useful and make that plan into reality. Even though I only done civil works and hasn't yet done any structures design  but I believe that soon I will get that chance. I'm really excited to learn and witness the beauty of engineering. It's not a glamorous job, I don't have to wear designer's clothes to work or put on any effort to look good, I just have to appear presentable and ready. 

But now... I feel very unmotivated, incompetent, dumb and useless. I feel that I am not contributing to the company. All I did was sit on my desk and wait for instructions from my boss. I didn't adapt to the working world as fast as I hope I can. I find it hard to understand my boss directions and he changes it like nobody's business. In my office there's only 3 engineers, 1 is a senior engineer and the other is my boss, so I am the third engineer in the office. The senior engineer usually very busy since he's the only one doing the big projects so I only go to him when I really need help but his answer most of the time is "You ask boss" and when I go to my boss, he's even busier and his phone just won't stop ringing. 

My point is... I don't have a mentor. I am in desperate need for one. Someone that can give clear understanding of designs, teach me to turn what I learn from school to work. Today at work my boss said "I don't understand why you still don't understand". I feel like crying and I did just without tears. And then I emailed the wrong project to someone and another condescending remark "You are still in the dark". 

But whenever I feel bad about myself... I go to my mind and watch my favorite scene in the movie where Andy complains to Nigel about her job...

        Andy Sachs: She hates me, Nigel. 

Nigel: And that's my problem because... Oh, wait. No, it's not my problem. 

Andy Sachs: I don't know what else I can do because if I do something right, it's unacknowledged. She doesn't even say thank you. But if I do something wrong, she is vicious. 

Nigel: So quit. 

Andy Sachs: What? 
Nigel: Quit. 
Andy Sachs: Quit? 
Nigel: I can get another girl to take your job in five minutes... one who really wants it. 
Andy Sachs: No, I don't want to quit. That's not fair. But, I, you know, I'm just saying that I would just like a little credit... for the fact that I'm killing myself trying. 
Nigel: Andy, be serious. You are not trying. You are whining. What is it that you want me to say to you, huh? Do you want me to say, "Poor you. Miranda's picking on you. Poor you. Poor Andy"? Hmm? Wake up, six. She's just doing her job. Don't you know that you are working at the place that published some of the greatest artists of the century? Halston, Lagerfeld, de la Renta. And what they did, what they created was greater than art because you live your life in it. Well, not you, obviously, but some people. You think this is just a magazine, hmm? This is not just a magazine. This is a shining beacon of hope for... oh, I don't know... let's say a young boy growing up in Rhode Island with six brothers pretending to go to soccer practice when he was really going to sewing class and reading Runway under the covers at night with a flashlight. You have no idea how many legends have walked these halls. And what's worse, you don't care. Because this place, where so many people would die to work you only deign to work. And you want to know why she doesn't kiss you on the forehead and give you a gold star on your homework at the end of the day. Wake up, sweetheart. 

Yes, Wake Up Cynta.

All I have to do know is try harder. I must read all the company files so I know which project is which. I must study 2 main project that I am working. I must write down all the progress and preferably in excel so I can keep track. I must be fast, I must not be easily afraid and intimidated. I survived engineering college so I can do this. This is my dream to build and create. I can be creative in any way I want even in engineering. 

Things will go well. Things always go well. 

Roomate and I will move out from this dusty small room. 
I will buy my first car by next year. 
I can help my parents pay for our pets food supplies.
I can pay for my little brother's music class. 
I can give good gift to my love ones.
I will get a raise or maybe a new job with a much better salary.
I will have a mentor that can guide me. 
I will have the chance to participate in an international construction project. 
Roomate and I will be able to travel and see new countries.
I can go to gym and stay slim forever.
I can have a designer perfume, bag and shoes. 

All that left is for me to believe everything I just said. I believe it... Soon, I just have to work harder to achieve it. 

and One day when I'm the boss I can pull this off...

Friday, October 11, 2013


Finally, get a chance to sit down and be alone in my room. Not having anyone to talk is kind of a relief even though in my office, I rarely chat with my colleagues. Come to think of it nobody really chat with anyone even when the Boss is not in the office and our office is a very small office so you might imagine that there'll be a tight bond between us but no. All of us usually arrived on the dot at 8am and go back home on the dot 5pm. We are quite punctual people but not workaholic I think because nobody stays after 5pm.

It might sound boring but I like it... maybe I'm a boring person. NOOOO... I consider myself sometimes talkative only in my small circle of family and friends. I like my job but sometimes it gave me mini panic attack everyday because I'm afraid that I might screw up and the Bos will fired me or scold me. But overall my working environment is nice...

For 2 days, I haven't slept good. I usually slept around 10pm so I'll be motivated to do my job and most importantly can think clearly. Right now I am thinking about the earthworks calculation and my Boss asked me to check whether the given report is correct but I found some conflicting values and it worries me. Also, since roommate working hours is different from mine, I have to borrow cars from Ipik and Noi. Why both?... not because I'm greedy but yesterday was one hell of a day. Ipik's car security system decided to fuck me up and then roommate's car been locked by the parking security because he parked at a reserve parking area. So my kind brother lend me his car for the time being. FUCK SECURITIES!!!

I spend too much money already and I know I shouldn't be worrying about it so I spend RM30 buying lunch for people I love today. Hehehe... how is that going to help me save? I don't and I don't want to give a fuck. I am happy I can finally spend my own hard earn money and it's nice to be independent for once.

This post was supposed to be more... well I am rambling because I feel tired and also glad that I am finally home alone to smoke, bath and then sleep.


Sunday, September 29, 2013


I've been planning to update this blog but then since roomie is now unemployed and is at home 24/7, I get little privacy of my own. I mean I like being with him and people in general but mostly I really like my alone time. Without anyone to talk to and just me alone in this small room.

Work is work I guess. I get more anxious everyday with my work, I'm worried that it is not good enough, I'm too slow finishing the job, I'm too slow to picked up and understand what my employer meant, I'm worried if I make silly mistakes and I'm worried that I cannot stick it out and when my 3 months probation is up I have to start looking for a new job again. I love my job but all this worrying drives me crazy.

It's just a lot of things to worry about, our financial situation is not really good right now. I wish I can talk to someone about this. I tried.. but I don't think that person understand. But what is the point of worrying... When negativity manifest inside your mind it will eat up all the positive vibes. So I must keep my head up and I believe all this is only temporary. Roomie is a great person and I believe he will get a job soon and then our life will be back to normal or maybe even better.

Everyday is the same thing... I woke up at 6.30 get ready. Out from the house by 7.15 and arrive 7.50, waited 10 minutes outside then walk up to the office. Wait for 12pm, go out to lunch with my aunt and then back at 1pm. 5 pm out of the office, jam jam jam...arrive home at 6.15pm. Tired as hell, talk to roomie about my day and then instant noodles for dinner. Asleep by 10pm. The same routine for 5 - 6 days a week.

I'm okay with the routine it's just that I hope I can get used to it and then I can work on with my side projects. I've been talking it for months and I haven't gotten to it yet. I want to finish this novel I'm reading. I want to go on a vacation with roomie. I want to move out. I want to learn yoga and pilates. I want to be able to make my parents happy. I want... I want... I want...

A lot of "want" in my life.

But what I need no matter how cheesy it sounds is LOVE.

I believe I do have that. I am in love with this guy that I have been dating for 6 years now. I am happy that when I come home tired from work, he is here with me. Even though he can be a pain in the ass from time to time but we are together. So together we will build the life we both want. Aiseh... I sound like a romantic here but IRL we are quite an odd couple.

I am happy because I know I got the love from my parents, nonok and my families. I know that ma will always supports me. Talking to her always comforted me, listening to my dad silly jokes and sometimes very useful advice is joy. Watching cartoons and playing football with my little brother makes me happy.

So as long as I am with the people that I love and care... I think I'm going to be okay. I got the balls to get the job now I must have the courage to stick it out. :)

Love guide me now and give me courage.

Friday, September 13, 2013

If you dare come a little closer.

So round and around I go... 

I always do this. I promise myself I will blog more but then I forgot that promise because I thought I was too busy for my blog. But anyway, I am here again... if anyone cares that is. I don't why it feels good to announce a comeback to expect people still care about you, still curious about you... when all this time people stumble into my blog mostly from google search of my Porn in 3D post (Yep, you perv I am definitely talking about you). 

Right now I am feeling grateful, I finally started working! YAY! I've been whining how pitiful I was all this time and I finally can say I got a job. Thanks to my lucky star I didn't have to plant grape that long...Geddit? Grape = Anggur, Plant = Tanam?... *Cue awkward laugh* Okay moving on... I am going into my 3rd week of being an *ahem* engineer and I get what I wanted that is to start in a consultant firm so I can really understand the core of engineering. Aiseh... 

Anyway, talking about engineers... Have you guys ever notice that engineers are a bunch of arrogant assholes? Engineering student always feel that since our course is a killer and only the "bright" student will get into engineering course that we have the right to shove it to the less unfortunate people who didn't get into engineering that we are better than them. The truth is engineers are a bunch of insecure snobs. I am quite embarrass this particular criteria which is very obvious especially when you see those facebook page "Trust me I'm an Engineer" or any 9gag posting about how awesome engineering course is. Engineering school is actually a nerd fest even the ones that don't look like a nerd is a nerd once you get him/her in a conversation. 

We are taught and brainwashed to feel superior above others. Every welcoming speech of any engineering school the Dean will praise the fresh first year students that they are the chosen ones. They are lucky to get in because only the smart people can get into engineering course. Even if your CGPA sucks you still much better than others because your course is only for smart people and you're just lazy. That is how engineering school created arrogant assholes. 

I try not to become one but the force is strong on that one. Sometimes I find myself snickers whenever I hear a other courses complaining how hard their subject is and to the people who thinks that they like math but are not in engineering (NOOOOO). I hate it when I feel that way, I am no way better than others and whatever happened in school was me trying to survive. 

Being happy that is my only goal in life not to feel superior and belittle people. We are created equal so arrogant assholes please drop the holier than thou act. Gah... venting about this stresses me out. I am just so glad and happy that I manage to finish it. 

Trying to think anything I want to add in this post. Hmm... 

Angry post (check)
Swearing (check)
Happy (check)

So... the end?
Nope... not yet. 

This post is just full of negativity that I need to write a more positive side to balance it out. 


  And that is what I did. I don't want to blog about what I've done to make me feel that way. Only that I am glad I got family, loving life partner and friends that will back me up. They were the ones supported me throughout these years. 

Especially my mother, she is the only one that never stop believing in me who loves me unconditionally. She is the only person who won't leave me when I'm at the bottom. Thank you Ma for everything. 

I guess... Abrupt ending. Will blog more soon and must improve writing skills as well this language I'm writing in... oh and also designing skills.

Cheers and Bye!

Happy faces with my nieces and little brother.

Goodnight and happy working to me on Saturday (T_T)

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

When friends become strangers

Can't sleep... Have a lot of things on my mind and redoing format is not one of them. Instead I have been wondering about an old friend of mine. I have the sudden urge to find her via the internet and I have found her old blog that haven't been updated since 2011 and from there I found out that she's married and her fb is deactivated. I don't know why she pops into my mind tonight maybe because we used to be close and I don't have a lot of friends that I am really comfortable with. I remember that we don't have to keep in touch all the time and our friendship was still going strong unfortunately that has taken a toll on our friendship. Now, I believe if we passed by each other we don't even know each other. Sad isn't it... A friendship lost...

and of course new friendships will be born. New people to meet, new faces to be familiar with, new gossips and that old friend will remain forever in the past unless something happen that will rekindle the relationship. I find myself wishing I can talk to this old friend of mine, to tell her how I misses her all this years, to tell her the truth, to explain to her whatever she wanted to know but... She may not want me in her life anymore, I may be a reminder of how she used to be, a past where she prefer not to remember and without me in her life is much better. 

Still, I find myself wishing that I bump into her in the future. I imagine her to be happily married with 2 or 3 kids and her loving husband by her side, in some airport going on a vacation. I will be watching them from a far not sure whether the women I am staring is really her. Maybe I'm in a line with them, the fourth people behind her family and then I hear that she says her name. When she pass I give a smile to her, she probably will smile back the way a stranger smiles back when you smile at them. I don't think I will approach her but I will be happy to know that she's fine and doing well. 

Well... that's all I can say right now... I know this post is a little bit confusing. Even I'm confused with my emotions right now. I want to see her but I don't want her to know and I guess it make me look like I'm a stalker except that I don't want her to feel afraid of me and she won't need a restrictions order from me. I guess... maybe now I pay more attention to the people who wrote the articles maybe someday I will her name. 

A lot of probability and it's not easy to statistically narrow it down to 0.05 alpha. Not enough data and I am not that motivated to gain any data or information. In this case the probability of null hypothesis to be accepted is high where evidence can be see much more clearly compare to alternative hypothesis.

WTF? I clearly need sleep and shower so bye...       

Thursday, August 22, 2013

I dream of a dream

Haha... Since I am back in my blogging mode again. I feel an urge to blog more of my thoughts nowadays. It is just not healthy to keep it inside my mind and go crazy by over thinking it. So... I finally done with my VIVA which is disappointing for me but I got over confident since I thought that it is my last ever semester so I was a little bit over confident. I didn't revised my presentation at all and I thought my formatting was okay so didn't really bother to check it. I hope though that it will not affect my marks. Ugh... what the hell... I'm going to graduate anyway and then next month I will be in a new environment. So yay! 

I've been daydreaming too much nowadays. I dream that Edmond and I moves away from this shoe box room and we're living in an apartment. We have a dog that lives with us, not really sure what the breed is but I am hoping for it to be a shiba inu. I want a labrador but labrador is not suitable for apartments and I bet that Edmond and I will be working most of the time during weekdays so labs tend to go crazy if left alone. 

This is dog type of dog that I want for my apartment hehehe. His name is Maru and I've been stalking him on instagram a lot and whenever I feel bored, sad or just fulfilling my duties as an instagram addict I will stalk him. He is just the cutest dog ever, so fluffy and well mannered. I want a dog exactly like this... but whatever type of breed I will get albeit that if it's a mongrel I will still showered my pup with love. 

I also imagine myself going on a vacation somewhere... who am I kidding that vacation is to Tokyo, of course! with I want to say Edmond but I prefer it to be with a group of closed people that I love hanging out with. Edmond has this kind of introvert attitude where he prefers to be just the two of us together. But that would be boring and we definitely will get into a fight and argue most of the time where we want to go so travelling in a group would be better. After Japan maybe to his dream trip Manchester. It's been a long time since the two of us went to any trip at all, with him busy with work and me busy with school. 

So that is just some of the near future thing that I imagine will be. Hopefully that my dream will come true. 5 years of doing the same routine is sickening and it's time for a change to our life. But I am happy right now, I am gradually become happier everyday now that I know that I should be grateful and I also learn to control my negative emotions so that it will not forever haunt my life. I think all this is from the love and support I get. 

And there's this little project that I am working with my sisters. Hope that we won't get discourage and the progress is very very slow but I hope we won't give up. If we have made a significant progress to the project I will definitely post it up. 

For now, I'll just keep doing what I love... That is taking photos, getting slimmer, reading books, blogging, drawing and of course being with my love ones. 

Cheers and Goodbye to the old life and Hello and Welcome to a new beginning. 

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Positive bah...

I am feeling good right now even though pms is creeping and I have already started verbally abusing my boyfriend. Thank god, I have a patience understanding boyfriend. Anyway... interview today went pretty good methinks. I am still in awe and very excited and nervous. Will share this good news soon. 

On another news... finally get the pictures from our groupon deal photoshoot! Come, come have a look. 

As the Tukang jual obat sezs..."Yang jauh mari dekat, Yang dekat mari Rapat" (orang Sabah tau ni dialog kalau biasa pigi tamu, kalau tidak pernah pigi, oho bukan pure Sabahan kau ni tau). 

The theme of our photoshoot was "Show your true color". 

Dress from Mywardrobe = RM25. 
Leopard print earring = RM10
Tattoo stockings = RM20
Watch by Elle design

My look supposed to be harajuku fashion mobster with my machine gun tattoo stocking, but damnit the photog fail to get that part in my pic FML. But overall I look pretty with my signature no smile pose. My other smiling pictures look so fake.   

This is the 1st time I wore the dress. I always thought I'm not skinny enough to wear it, I was wrong. I can now wear body hugging dress without feeling insecure. Hurrah!

See... senyuman tidak ikhlas ku. Euww... I look as if I'm forcing my smiles to come out. Well, the photog did commented that I should smile. Ugh... will not listen to any photog anymore, why can't they let me be with my no smile pose.

4 very satisfied customer we are. We're thinking of doing this again soon! Maybe before Christmas. 

Bah, I'm gonna end this blog post now. See you soon.  

Monday, August 19, 2013


Just had my first job interview ever! Well... as a fresh grad tho.  I just needed to vent my frustration and maybe after this post I will feel much better. The interview was quick and totally not what I expected, I feel that my current qualifications is so... mediocre and not confident enough to do anything at all. I regretted that I didn't study serious enough and am always distracted. 

I cannot let myself fall into this negativity whirlpool! I must stay positive and work much harder to be charming and not present myself as someone who is clueless. I have this habit of making a bad first impression. My teenage awkwardness is not 100% off from the system. Damn... I did try my best to sound as if I knew... but I haven't done any homework so I couldn't say anything impressive. I keep repeating that I understand the work on site blablabla... and it lasted only 15 minutes... 

I hope I can give this impression that I'm tough enough to handle stress on site and will be able to work! OK... done rambling need to study for test and for another interview tomorrow. See you soon blog.           

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

August come faster please...

Right now, I wish I have a remote control on life like the one Adam Sandler got in his movie"click". Albeit the point of the movie was to enjoy life as it is but I can't simply do that yet. Finally after years of being stuck in HK01, I will finally graduate this October which is not something I look forward tho because I'm not too keen in participating convocation. I just don't really see the point of wearing that hat and robe and the whole process seem like a bore to me. I did that once and the only reason that I'm going to the whole thing again is my dad.

So... technically I haven't really finished my study yet. I still got this final year project until the end of this month. I am panicking right now since I haven't finished my thesis and a virus called trojan decided to eat my jpg files which contains all my progress pictures. Until now I haven't retrieve the files because... (Just had an epiphany I remembered that I had a similar case once HALLELUJAH!). Tried...

and FAIL (btw the 2 paragraph above were written last month and it is finally August!)

So... I'm not really in a mood for retelling the story, in the end I have to print screen the picture, I submitted my thesis... YAY! and now am jobless. Any potential employer reading this please refer to my CV here

Anyway... since I currently have no important things to do might as well do something before I die of boredom. So here's what I have been doing...

It's a fitness studio. I've been spending my time here most of the time these days. Doing Zumba Monday until Friday while pigging out with the boyfriend. What's up with him?... He got a new job at this new hip restaurant in KK. so YAY!... 

Here's some photos from my instagram feed. If you're not following me then follow me naw! Lol... I always follow back if you're not a creep. 

We ate fish and chips and lamb chop last Sunday and that day was perfect. Woke up when I wanted to, good food, good company, Manchester United won, Watch a good movie and had a good night sleep. 

Other than living my life as a housegirlfriend, I went on a photoshoot with my aunt, cousin and sister. 

I am grateful that I am surrounded my people that I love even though some of them drives me crazy. I just want to be reminded every day how happy they make me and let all this positive energy flows so the negativity will go away. 

So... here's to a good month and year... It's not too late for a new beginning. 

Friday, April 5, 2013

The first post of April

Wow... I promised myself to blog at least once a week but then I am too preoccupied with... hell I don't even know what makes me busy. What I've been doing mostly is going to classes, jogging, finishing last minute assignments, being annoyed at someone and ermm... enjoying life?

The truth is I don't know what makes me super busy is not that I'm doing my FYP (there's no actual progress there), I'm not doing any studying (finishing last minute assignments is not studying) and that's the 2 most important thing I should be doing right now. The only real work I did is jogging which I loooove! because it takes my mind off any stress.

What I've been doing was catching up all the "rest" I needed, spending time with families and day dreaming. ARGHHH!!! I should be panicking because it is the middle of the semester and I haven't even do any real work on my FYP also nil studying.

I don't want to get any panic attack because that would do me no good at all since I am a very panicky person. It annoys me when my friends teased me of being panic like they never panic before. I hate it when they teased me that because it only worsen my panic attack. What I need when I'm panicking is silent and away from people that causing the panic.

Well, complaining won't do any good, action is more important. Since I am easily panic, I guess I work better alone. I don't want to listen noisy voices being with people that make me feel stupid. I don't want to bother with other people's problem. I don't need to be to reliable one or to be the saviour in every single problem that is not mine. It sound selfish but I need my own time to solve my own work. I have to set my priorities correctly.

My "correct" priorities is :

1. FYP
3. Exercise

Enough of this self pity post... Lemme update the happier side of my life. Roomie/Boyfriend/ArchEnemy got a new job! YAY!!! I can't really announce it yet but I'm so excited for him and last night I saw him doing some research made me feel so proud and loved that my baby is brave enough to take the risk for us (I love you so much!). Our life will be getting much better, thank you god! That's why I need to stop fooling around and finish my studies so we can a better life than now. I don't want to live in this matchbox room any more.

I want to live in this apartment!
Imagine dining with a beautiful view of the sea/city... Well, my dream apartment condo would be at The Peak. I really like it there, I like that kind of lifestyle. Although probably I couldn't own a dog there since a dog need a space where it can run around especially a Labrador. But I saw one of the owner (or maybe that's the maid... not sure) walk her lab along the coastline. Well I assumed they came from The Peak that means even though I live at The Peak I can own a lab. YAY! <--- again.="" daydreaming="" nah="" nbsp="" p="">

Ok la... I have to go back to work. I need to finish it up so I can focus on my school work. :) Wish me luck and hopefully my attention span will last longer than a lab. lololololol... 


Friday, March 22, 2013

Better than before

I was going through my external hard disk looking for old school notes and of course typical me always get distracted over silly things. Since I am literally a picture hoarder (my phone now has over 1000 pictures in it (-_-)).... So I look into the pictures and was shock, horrified and disgusted. I look so horrible before I didn't even realize it.  

 Zero photoshop. Look at my skin! Look how horrible my skin was. My face look so fat. This picture was back in 2008 before my trip to Jakarta at my old room (had to blur out the ugly bits) using my olympus digicam. I look older in 2008 compare to now IMHO.  

Here's a recent picture using my sony SLR camera with light makeup (bb cream + eyeliner). My cheek is less chubby than before and of course much better skin condition. Also without photoshop. 

Here's without any makeup using my old sony xperia phone. I think the lines underneath my eyes getting worse and dark circle even when I slept for 8 hours. That's my goal this year for skin condition less oily face and goodbye dark circle. 

I weight about 53kg in 2008 and now I weight around 46kg. I am happy with the difference although I do want to lose more weight and am working towards it. I want to be lean, I'm getting a bit bored with my family always referring me as the fat one. It's a struggle to control my food intake around them when they always expected I ate food for 2 people. I am a bit ashamed if I cannot finish my food or have to say no whenever my parents urge me to eat more. 

I hope I will able to achieve my weight goal this year since last year I failed although losing 7kg is a wonderful accomplishment. :) All that was using ginger pills for constipation problem and lessen my carbs intake also food intake. It was not healthy but hey, 7kg gone. So this year rather than doing that I am exercising more to lose weight and gain muscle.   

Maybe I can look like @mankofit one day. She's been my inspiration.    

As for my skin condition I guess since I now take much better care of my skin. I want to try the collagen pills and see yet another skin transformation. Maybe I can get skin like Adira's. But all that cost money, if anyone can sponsor me, I would be really happy and will blog for the free stuff, hahaha.

Maybe when I am confident enough I will show my body progress. Now, just wish me luck and I hope that anyone out there who is striving will achieve their own goals as well. 

Till then...


Monday, March 11, 2013

I Mishu Blog

Hey you...

I mishu so much. I've been so busy with real life that I had to neglect you. But I am back for good and I promise to see you at least once a week. I can't afford a shrink and maybe a little writing will help me to keep my sanity.

Anyway... what have to be done is done. All I need to do now is to keep on fighting till the end. I am excited though I am still my oldself the procrastinator and that is what holding me from fighting. Damnit I am too old to be ADD and I need this to work. Dear lord help me...

On another note... one of my dog died. The sweet purak... killed so that she'll be out of her misery. Her life was so short and sad. She had a severe infection on her head and won't let anyone near her. She refuse to eat, her baby died inside her and she went blind. She was a living corpse. I wish I getbto know her but after piso died I never really love another dog.

What's the matter with me... updating you with sad news. I'm being overly melodramatic here. Lemme update with some mre cheerful news. I adopted a cyber pet.

It's Pou the alien! I saw it from my junior's instagram and because the maternal side of me is finally kicking in. I thought to myself lets get a baby alien. Lolololol...

I am also into this game, pet salon.

Been playing lots of phone game to keep my mind preoccupied since I was so stress last week. Haven't really got on track yet. But tomorrow will be a different day.

Anyway... wish me luck. According to my instagram I am "vain and proud", I end this post with a selca. Lolololol.

Roomie and I!

Xoxo - suicidecandy

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Long time no see.

Well, hello dear blog. How are you since the last time I left you? Me... Fine, except that class finally started and 

I spend most of my youth doing tutorial, assignment and final exam. Damn you engineering degree! Damn you.... It's been a long time since I travel outside Sabah eh... No, I did actually travel outside Sabah last year. I finally went shopping in KL! My sister and I spend most of our time there at Sungei Wang, we can already memorize the building plan. LOL Oyeah... Also budget travel to Labuan recently. But still there's a lot of places I want to visit and I admit that I am damn jealous with people who travel and able to travel outside the country. Damn PTPTN blacklist. 

So the last time I left you, I was in Valentine blues mode... Life partner and I were apart from each other. He was busy with work and I was busy pretending to be sick so I don't have to feed the dogs that I have to babysit. I stay at my parents home and celebrated Valentine alone with =

Ate this Chocolate liquor alone. 

Anyway... To make it up. Life partner did bought me an early Valentine / belated (very belated indeed) birthday present. 

Yay! I finally have a brand new phone. It's only S3 mini  but I still love it and it have a front face camera so I can camwhore shamelessly everyday. Which you can view in my instagram profile. Do follow me because I mostly follow back if you're not some fake account. 

That's all for now I will be updating again soon. :)



Thursday, February 14, 2013

Happy Valentine's Day Yo!

Hello earthlings... I've been neglecting this blog for almost a week now due to me and roommate being sick. All we did is lie on bed all day and watch movie from the laptop. Even my family CNY plan had been cancelled. Sad...

Still I think it's a pretty good week. I haven't been exercising tho and diet is off also miss 2 days of PMC. Sigh... I know I am doing it all over again.

Today my exam results came out. I wasn't exactly surprise with it. I didn't really study and I felt that it is getting a bit repetitive since it don't matter whether I study or not... I still get the same fucking results. But I won't let that De motivate this sem... I will give my best.

Valentine's day so far is just a normal day for me. Roomie and I don't really celebrate valentine's day. I did made an effort last year tho, made dinner for him and dinner made by me totally sucks. He knows but he still ate the whole thing. We had a quite funny conversation about it tho.

Me : saya tidak pandai masak, napa ko masih sayang saya *pok romantic answer ni*

Roomie : Tidapa bah... nanti sy minta diskaun sama bapa kau saja.

Me : hahaha! Bodoh!

*discount for the dowry. Dowry is cultural thing... don't feel like explaining it now*

So I am not planning making dinner thia year since I'm still sick *cough*. But roomie gave me an awesome valentine's/verybelatedbirthday present. Maybe I'll blog about it later.

I'm ending this post with one photo.

A sketch of my late dog piso. Still dunno how to finish this drawing.

Friday, February 8, 2013

When beauty becomes a beast.

I guess you all probably heard it by now that Beyonce wants Buzzfeed to remove "unflattering" pictures of her from her superbowl performance. Well, too late Beyonce the pictures now can be view everywhere especially is humor sites. 

Congratulations Beyonce, you have officially become a meme. :)

 Unflattering is just a polite word to used to describe ugly. Yep... it is definitely ugly. Even pretty girls like Beyonce can look THAT ugly. I never saw an ugly Beyonce's picture before all those pictures emerged. I showed the pictures to the roommate and he didn't believe that it's Beyonce, He taught it was some random muscular guy dressing up as Beyonce. 

Here's another meme from 9gag. 

Maybe this is how Beyonce became so muscular. LOL

She did end the performance beautifully. :)

I do understand tho why Beyonce wants this picture to be taken down, destroyed, burn so that never again it will be seen by human eyes. If I were her I probably will do the same thing and I did a few things like that of course I'm not a celebrity and "unflattering" pictures of me not really worth the news. Tell me how many girls will want an ugly picture of her being parade on the internet. Not much I tell you and I admit that I always untagged ugly pictures of me which mostly tagged by my cousin Daisy who just love to upload ugly pictures of me (still love you girl :P).

Like this one.


That picture was taken in 2007. That's me and wiwin eating barbecued chicken wings. Nasib! I'm not a celebrity like Beyonce.   

Anyway enjoy your Friday, we have a loonng weekend ahead. WOOT!
So what's your plan for the weekend? Me... Probably, no...DEFINITELY will be chilling with my family most of the time. 

See you in the next post. 

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Not a Labuan travel guide

Where is Labuan?... For those who did not know where it is *rolls eyes*... Labuan is a 3 hour 30 minutes ferry ride island (at first I wanted to say nearby island but 3 hours is not near)...

You can either drive there by taking the big ferry at Menumbuk or the 3 hour ride from Kota Kinabalu. Of course for a quicker option you can take direct flight also or the slowest option could be the cheapest (I'm not sure) taking the mini bus to Menumbuk and ferry ride or speed boat to Labuan. I consider speed boat to be a bit dangerous, I only took it once but I wouldn't choose that option anymore since I cannot swim and quite terrified of the sea.

So many options to choose.... We end up choosing water transportation via ferry from Kota Kinabalu.

The only pictures of us together. Adventure Time with Cynta, Wiwin, Paula, Nonoi and Wawan! 

The ferry's fee was RM19.80 for economy class. Economy class is on the lower bunk and without any view. The ferry was quite spacious besides we got like 3 rows of empty seats just for ourselves. hehehe... We took the 1.00pm ferry ride (BOO).

We didn't book any hotel in advance so we had to walk from street to street to find a cheap hotel. We're not sure how long we going to stay at that point so a cheap hotel is a must. GPS wasn't doing too well there, we tried using it but internet is so slow that we decided just walk randomly until we found a hotel. Most of the cheap hotel we found was fully booked and the 1st vacancy was Hotel Pulau Labuan that will cost us RM125 per night. 

At last we chose Victoria Hotel. The hotel offers a single bed room for RM88 per night. It's cheaper than the other hotel. So we share 1 room for the 5 of us. I know it's a bit too much 5 people sharing a small room but we were on a budget and our main plan was to shop. Comfortable accommodation wasn't really in our mind at that time.

The hotel have this very ancient looking lift. The lift was very small and can only manage to fit 5 people approximately.

I felt that the price for the room is a bit overpriced. There's hotel in KK cost cheaper than Victoria Hotel and better condition. There's mini cockroaches in our room, the service was quite unresponsive and rude especially the front desk people.  

After hotel... food of course! Being stuck for 3 hours in a ferry ride sucks and we were famished by the time we arrived.

 Bakuteh and roasted chicken for 5 people. Cost us around RM45 for all of this including drinks. WOOT!

Then what to do in Labuan?.. Drink like it's the end of the world!!!
 Well unfortunately I didn't do much drinking just a couple of beers. We did went sight seeing so here's a few picture I managed to snap that are decent.

We did went clubbing at the club Beyond but after 2 sets of beer, we decided we rather go eat KFC. Maybe I'm getting old or because I haven't club much these days I hated the club atmosphere. I prefer going to a jazz club or place playing live band with good music. Not the one that I  hear on the radio all the time. I also don't dance anymore... (damnit. Daisy! Nancy! mari keluar nanti.)

Day 2

The only picture of me during the trip. Fugly hair and stupid expression but look at my skin! I only use bb cream for my skin.

Our breakfast which only cost me RM15 for 5 people! That's RM3 for each person. This is honestly the cheapest food I ever eaten in ages. Konomen usually will cost at least RM5 per person. 

I was so shocked of the price I asked the waitress twice to be sure. All of us was pleasantly surprised, will definitely go here again next time. 

This place used to be a club called "The jungle". 


To the more important stuff... SHOPPING and travelling budget.

Transportation : RM39.60 per person
Hotel fee : RM88

Boozes = RM116

*Bacardi : RM25
*Baileys : RM58
*Wincarnis : RM33

Chocolates = RM59

Earrings = RM16.40


Party at a club with one alcohol bottle minimum RM350.
You be the judge...

Well, regardless the cost FUN is FUN. It will make us happy maybe will give us a few things to learn from experience thus you cannot really put a price on FUN.

See you again in the next post.