Tuesday, July 21, 2009

4 in the morning

And it is literally 4 in the morning. I can't sleep there's no particular reason for that, it's just that I woke up and I can't go to sleep again. Today is another day of intellectual awakening... NOT!
I don't feel inspired or anything, just trying to live another day, probably something good will happen... I dunno...

Yesterday while waiting for the bank to open up, I was staring at the bank staffs, watching their enthusiasm for the early morning briefing and I thought ' man... I'm gonna hate myself if I someday will work in a bank', don't get me wrong I don't hate bank employees (my dad used to be one) just that I couldn't imagine myself stuck in the same cubicle or counter for an 1 hour let alone for 9 friggin hours. Sure... I'll be one of them who'll show up early to work, socially could get along well with other co-workers but probably in a year or two... I'll kill myself. And I'm serious about that. LOL

My childhood dream was plain and simple... to be honest I never thought I would end up taking civil in university, heck... I never think I end up in university... Well, naive as it may sound... I used to dream to be a mangaka or comic artist (but my art wouldn't involve any superhero), nothing commercialize like Sailormoon or Dragonball but more like Remember by Benjamin Zhang (there's alist of mangaka that used to be my idol but my memory replace it for vectors).

But then as years gone by... I forget the dream I used to have, my fingers that used to have carbon marks is now clean. My sketch books put away in a box, I used to be awake at this time and sketching my heart away, trying to improve everyday so that my art is worthy to be shown to the world. But... now all of it locked away in a dusty box. I still sketch though in my note books, doodling whatever it is on my mind at that time.

By Benjamin Zhang Bin.

Maybe if I was that good I won't stop... or maybe I just got lost through a maze where there is no exits.

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