Sunday, June 14, 2009

Letter to Myself

AFTER THIS ENTRY I AM DEDICATING TO PHOTOLOG ENTRY ABOUT OUR LATEST NIGHT FEVER!!!! HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO DEWINA AND AMY!!!! BE GRATEFUL THAT YOU ARE ALIVE AND HOT! BITCH!

Dear Me,

The more I think about it the more it depressed me. No matter what face I put or how I make a fool of myself will nit change what I feel. I hate it so much cuz it made me hate everything. I know there's no such thing as a time machine or a 'Pintu Suka Hati'... I still find myself wishing that such things existed and I can use it to my advantage. I am selfish, a bit narcisstic, though I never harm anyone other than me, I am misunderstood so many times that I got used to it. So whoever read this entry of mine please IGNORE it... I am just rambling to amend my heart and to stay sane in the public eyes, ( I don't trust shrink). Anyway back to my ramblings... It's easier if I can say this to someone that won't judge me, won't tell me what to do... cuz all I want is someone to listen so I can release this anxiety and tension surrounding me. There's a checklist on people I can talk to me seems like I crossed out everyone and leaving only my own ear to listen to my own misery. In the end all you have is yourself...
Then something teribble happened that made me wish imortality for someone I love. I hate to think that death is waiting at some corner or it might be just in front of you and a few seconds after this you die. NO... I am not feeling suicidal or anything but I am not that eager in living my life also. Right now (this will sound lame) I see two paths in front of me or maybe three or four possibilty after this but all is just my hopes and none is imposibble and yet it seem out of reach and I am push back again to square one. Funny when you see things in a new perspective, it will either makes you feel better or worse. I am lost in my own mind, in my own dilemma. Owh... How dramatic.... I can be such a drama queen even I hate this side of me.Owh... how sweet it is to be in denial...

well it's the end of this ramblings...I'm not sure if I feel any better but I don't feel bad.... I just hope there's NO ONE choose to comment this entry cuz there's a lot of OTHER ENTRIES MORE INTERESTING that this one.

THANK YOU. (i will so fucking hate you if anyone dare to comment)....

LALALALALALALALALALALALA...

AKU LAPAR LA... NDA TAW MAW MAKAN APA? APA YANG SEDAP AH?... NANTILA PIGI CHECK DI ICEBOX... KALI ADA LAGI TU ICECREAM TU. KIMA... BANYAK MAW URUS BISUK... MALASNYA............................. AKU MIMANG PEMALAS, KENAPALA!

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